I'm having doubts. Second thoughts. A crisis of confidence. About putting my life on the internet? YES! But no, about my plan to completely change my life and sail off into the sunset.
It's not that I'm risking so much. I have quit my job before and set off for indefinite periods of time. I am fortunate that an experienced nurse can find a good job easily in the United States. And the house can be rented to pay the mortgage. Most of my things I can do without, so I won't miss them. My son is grown now, and he and my other family and friends will be here, and can come to visit us.
I certainly don't mind spending my savings for this great adventure! I try to be balanced in my approach to savings, investments and retirement, but I decided long ago that the usual version of an "American success" wasn't my idea of success. I'd rather have time than toys and I have chosen freedom over security, financial and otherwise, many times and consistently.
I had my son when I was 19 years old. With help from my parents I graduated college when he was about seven, raised him on my own and have always had a job. I work hard and it's a stressful profession. If you think I wouldn't walk away from it for good, you would be wrong. But I'm lucky that it has allowed me to support myself well.
I know what it is. It's the dogs. My Georgia and Rikky.
I got George almost exactly four years ago. Went all the way down to southern California to a German Shepherd rescue because they had so many dogs and I wanted to get a good fit, temperamentally. Georgia was gentle on the leash, sweet and calm. They said she was about two years old.
I asked about why she looked so big around the middle and the lady said it was because she had just had a litter of puppies recently. But since then she had been spayed, and I could clearly see the fresh incision on her belly.
We took Georgia home and were not surprised that she seemed a little uneasy at first. She seemed to be looking around all the time and was not playful in the least. Well, maybe she had had a rough past, maybe she was just adjusting. She wasn't in any acute distress or anything so I didn't worry.
Then one night she was acting especially strange. She was wining and restless and started arching her back, so I thought "That's it. I'm taking her to the emergency vet." It was semi-dark in the office as I was trying to put her leash on, when she arched her back again and a small black thing went skidding across the wood floor. An ALIEN PARASITE!
I screamed! And then took a closer look. It was the first of elven puppies, small and black and wet, eyes closed. Georgia nursed her new pups as each one came out, licking them to revive them. Two were still born, but nine were healthy new puppies.
THAT was the adventure of a lifetime. We took care of the pups with Georgia until they were 9 weeks old, then found them new homes. All but one boy, Rikky. And that's why I have two dogs. He will be four years old in a couple of weeks.
I have often thought that they need more than a single woman, gone all day at work. But it will break my heart to let them go.
P.S. I contacted the vet who did the "spay" in southern California. He didn't want to know anything about it, not names, dates, nothing. He hung up on me. So we filed a complaint with the California Veterinary Medical Board, and after one letter acknowledging the complaint, never heard from them again.